Ramble, ramble, ramble...

Do you ever feel as though there isn't a person in the world who is worse than yourself? As of late, I am constantly being reminded of my own short-comings and it sort of stinks. There just seems to be an endless number of road blocks that keep me in this place. Being a "good, Reformed" believer, I shouldn't have this problem, right? It's easy to ease my guilt by comparing myself to others. How terribly childish that sounds.

It sucks when you are, in a way, expected to be one way by fellow believers as well as those on the "outside", and only you know of what truly lies in your heart and that it doesn't match the picture they have in mind. Its really difficult admitting time and time again that you can't do it on your own. With each time we admit our sin and guilt, don't we all hope in some small way that we can fix it by ourselves?

Perhaps this "burden" is a sort of blessing. It reminds me of who I am, and humbles me to the fact that we do need to be constantly confessing our sins. It also reminds me that I am no better than any other person in the way I live my life.

So why is this so difficult for me?... this confessing thing? Pride and confusion. It's a vicious cycle really. I know what I should be doing, yet... there is something binding me up, something that calls me to question all that I grew up "knowing"... This is nothing new for me. In fact, this "questioning" phase of my life has been going on for a while, and its been difficult finding someone I can respect in opinion in order to help me through.

Well, perhaps I have thoroughly confused you with whatever I just said. I don't even know, and to be honest, I don't think it was very well thought out... However, sometimes rambling just helps to organize those thoughts later in life.

Until next time, "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."