Meteor Shower

I can finally see
That your right there beside me
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you

I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you

--Owl City

Agonal Breathing

For those of you who are not medical people, this term describes the respiration at the end of life. It is labored breathing characterized by a gasping for air spaced at 3-4 breaths per minute, but is extremely difficult to differentiate from someone who is actually recovering from not breathing. It sounds horrible to see someone go through this and it is.

I had the horrible opportunity to see it at work this past Saturday. A five year old girl passed away, much to the dismay of her father and my fellow coworkers. It was nothing we could've prevented and it was nothing we did wrong. But all the same, it doesn't prevent the painful reminder of life's fragility. This was a young girl whom many of my coworkers had seen playing cheerfully with her father throughout the day. I myself had spoken to her, smiled at her, and watched her enjoy her time. What an unjust tragedy.

Initially I was just frustrated at not knowing how she was doing after she was brought out to the ambulance on a gurney surrounded by EMS and followed by her father. I still don't know how I feel about it, but at the follow-up meetings yesterday, I expressed my slight apprehension to go back to work immediately. The upper staff were more than willing to give me all the time I needed, so I was not supposed to work until Thursday.

Perhaps I was just being silly, but then I confirmed my own suspicions when I did go into work today to cover for an ill coworker. Mostly I spent my time up on the slide, informing patrons when it was ok for them to go down. But then in the last 15 min I decided I would give it a try. The pool was close to closing and there wasn't more than 1 person in the pool I was guarding at a time. As I was sitting there, I began to replay the incident of the Saturday before and began to think of the suffering which this family is going through. Began thinking of father pleading for his child to breathe. Began thinking of my own personal experience of losing a loved one. Perhaps it would be a consolation to her family that she didn't suffer for long, though I imagine the pain stings just as much. Thinking about these things stirred up an unexpected emotional reaction.

However, I also began to think about the hope we have as believers. If I did not have this hope, I am certain that I would be a very bitter person. God is good to us, even if we do not understand what his workings. This can be a painfully difficult thing to remind ourselves, I know it is for me.

"I am not my own, for I have been made new... Never let me go, I desperately need you..."

Ramble, ramble, ramble...

Do you ever feel as though there isn't a person in the world who is worse than yourself? As of late, I am constantly being reminded of my own short-comings and it sort of stinks. There just seems to be an endless number of road blocks that keep me in this place. Being a "good, Reformed" believer, I shouldn't have this problem, right? It's easy to ease my guilt by comparing myself to others. How terribly childish that sounds.

It sucks when you are, in a way, expected to be one way by fellow believers as well as those on the "outside", and only you know of what truly lies in your heart and that it doesn't match the picture they have in mind. Its really difficult admitting time and time again that you can't do it on your own. With each time we admit our sin and guilt, don't we all hope in some small way that we can fix it by ourselves?

Perhaps this "burden" is a sort of blessing. It reminds me of who I am, and humbles me to the fact that we do need to be constantly confessing our sins. It also reminds me that I am no better than any other person in the way I live my life.

So why is this so difficult for me?... this confessing thing? Pride and confusion. It's a vicious cycle really. I know what I should be doing, yet... there is something binding me up, something that calls me to question all that I grew up "knowing"... This is nothing new for me. In fact, this "questioning" phase of my life has been going on for a while, and its been difficult finding someone I can respect in opinion in order to help me through.

Well, perhaps I have thoroughly confused you with whatever I just said. I don't even know, and to be honest, I don't think it was very well thought out... However, sometimes rambling just helps to organize those thoughts later in life.

Until next time, "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

Travels to the Lonely Mountain

For well over a fortnight now I have hoped for that friendly nip in the weather which would welcome the reemergence of autumnal attire. Today consisted of a truly lovely palette of grays in the overcast sky accompanied with a gentle, persistent glacial kiss of a breeze making it prime weather for my wonderful, green coat. It was beautiful. Fall has finally arrived, and it isn't going to bite me in the face with the frigid slaps of a nearly frozen rain. I shall thoroughly enjoy, and hopefully embrace the beauty of this new season.

Switching gears:

Today in Phlebotomy, I performed my first venipuncture on a living arm. The previous week consisted of practicing our technique on 'cold' arms. These are arms with a venous system that have a red, water-like substance, which would fill the vacutainer if the venipuncture was performed correctly. In essence, it is like practicing on a dummy with 'blood' in it. Anyhow, today I got to perform my stick on a sweet, Russian student in the class, and am proud to say that it was successful. [1 down, 11 more to go.] I also have my marks from where she practiced on me, and am pleased to say that my veins are quite adequate for blood draws. Afterward we were given the opportunity to make blood smears from our own blood. This too was exciting, but I shan't bore you with the details.

Following this invigorating lab session, I had to immediately dismiss myself for a dental appointment which would harbor the most unfortunate news. Upon looking at my x-rays [which I had for a long time avoided], the hygienist informed me of a slight shadow on one of my back teeth. This was an indication of a possible cavity. The dentist only confirmed this most distressing information. It has finally happened, something I had worked so long and so hard to avoid, a cavity. Twenty-one years I have been able to maintain a perfect record, and now the record is shattered due to one shadow on an x-ray. I am not devastated, merely disappointed...

This 29th of September has proven to be quite an adventure, filled with victories and losses. Tomorrow shall be a new day, and one that will hopefully hold another dragon for me to slay. Until next time, try to embrace your days as though they were as exciting as the most enchanting adventure.

School and stuff:

Evidently, I am quite bad at keeping this up. I will, in the future, try to make a point to blog at least once a week. We'll see how that goes.

As of late, life is finally settling into a rhythm once again. School is going quickly, just today I realized that this week I will have been in school for 1 month. It's crazy, because here I am learning the scientific material from a clinical perspective and well on my way to attaining my dream vocation. It's still intimidating from time-to-time just trying to wrap my mind around all the things I will need to learn, but the professors are quite encouraging. I am almost forced into a constant in between state of mild panic and followed by reassurance and peace. To think of all the different aspects and that I may directly/indirectly a patients life puts me a little on edge. But at the same time I need to remind myself that all of the graduates from this program are very well equipped for the field... so yeah... Here I will remain...

That's all for now... sorry, lame blog, I know...

Thought from my witty calendar: "To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human."

I feel an Autumnal Equinox coming up...

Yes, that's right, autumn is just around the corner. It became evident yesterday as it was quite a bit chillier in the morning and the remainder of the day contained a tinge of coolness despite the comfortable temperature. Even more so, this morning I decided to chance wearing a sweater and proved not to be disappointed when I stepped outside and was greeted by the refreshing cool air. It will be nice to actually experience autumn weather for the first time in three years. I am quite looking forward to it. Perhaps I shall even make a point to walk through one of the local parks next to the Boise River and enjoy the multi-chromatic display which the trees are only too gracious to share with the inhabiting homo sapiens of the Treasure Valley.

As for the autumnal equinox, hopefully I will not be working on that day so that I may stand in the middle of the street, face west, and watch the sun set perfectly over the road. Perhaps I should even take a photo and display it on this interweb page, for the chances are in my favor that it shall be a beautiful sunset as well.

That is all for now. School is busy and life is good.

And the consensus is:

that most of the students don't actually like how the classes are set up, meaning that they don't like all the cameras, microphones and screens. I found this to be quite interesting, not that I mind. I myself am not too sure about all of this either, but for the year there's not that much I can do about it. It is what it is.

In other news, I made a rather startling realization, which took me all to long to notice in the first place. All of my professors are female. This in and of itself is not all that significant, but you must understand that there are absolutely no female professors in the sciences at Dordt College, and now I have nothing but female science professors. It actually makes me feel a little empowered.

What's more is that apparently the CLS professors are more relaxed about titles and we are allowed and encouraged to call them each by their first names. Amazing, huh?! It puts a more personal spin on a potentially non-personal classroom set up. It also helps that each of the professors are making themselves quite easily approachable, which is a really big thing for me.

The other wonderful thing, especially about one of my professors (who also is the director of the program), is that they truly want all of us to succeed. Sonja has expressed time and again her willingness to help us through all of the material. She realizes that there is quite a vast body of knowledge for each of us to learn in this upcoming year, but encourages us to continually stick with the material and that hopefully toward the end of the year it will all finally make sense. She also encourages us to remain patient with ourselves as we delve into the course work, because it may not always immediately make sense (which is true of most things I think, but encouraging to know that I won't be the only one potentially struggling with the material).

So yes, that was my little plug for the professor who is daily becoming one of my most favorite professors of all time. :)

In other news, the video I need to watch for my Microbiology course is loading rather slowly, and I hope I can watch it all tonight yet. On the bright side, at least I get Labor Day off in order to work on all of my copious amounts of piling up homework.

Hope you are all doing well and those of you whom I know are always in my thoughts. For you Dordt students, enjoy your day at school tomorrow!

A Sunday Post

Hello to all from the Pacific Northwest! Sorry for my inability to keep everyone in the loop, not that it really matters to some. I have decided that this blog is going to serve as a way for me to share my experiences out here with those of you whom I love who cannot share it with me. So with all that said, I begin:

School started this last Tuesday, and by God's grace I was allowed into the Clinical Lab Science/Medical Technology program, which is now transitioning into a marriage of the two names (since both are used rather synonymously): Medical Lab Science. So there you have it! My schedule is rather straight forward... class on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday from 8 to noon. Rather nice actually. On M/W/F I take Clinical Chemistry, Clinical Hematology, Clinical Immunology and Transfusion Medicine, and Clinical Microbiology. Tuesdays consist of Intro to CLS and Phlebotomy and Urinalysis. Plus I have an independent problems course for Immunology. 18 credits in total.

The classes themselves are a different experience. For starters, I only have 2 main professors and one sort of adjunct prof. The classroom itself is known as a "Distance Learning Classroom". For those of you who don't know what that means (for I was surely one of them), it's basically a classroom designed for two classes in complete separate locations to share and participate in the same lecture. How this is achieved is via cameras, an LG flat screen TV, a projection screen, computer, speakers and microphones. The projection screen and TV serve as a way for us to view the other class/prof while simultaneously being able to see the notes they are projecting using Powerpoint or a projector (like one of those old fashioned ones used way back when) hooked into the system so we can see what they are writing. The professor stays behind the desk with the computer and projector and lectures from there. Their lecture feeds into the other classroom at the exact same time and what we see done on the screen is what they see at the exact same time. Now if we were to ask a question, there are microphones on our desks in which we can press the button and speak. Without this system it is quite difficult to communicate, and sometimes people in the other classroom forget to use the microphone making it quite interesting to hear an answer without having heard the question.

All of my classes are done this exact way, in fact, they are all in the exact same classroom... I have a feeling that I will soon grow tired of this classroom, but I can understand how it all makes sense to have it all in that room. The other class is located in Pocatello which is at least a 5 hour drive from where we are located. One of the professors at the other campus, and the other two are in Meridian (where I attend).

Aside from attending class, I now have a part-time job in Caldwell at the YMCA working as a lifeguard. The general demographic of my work environment is high-schoolers, Mormons and Hispanics. I realize this makes me sound like one of those people who thinks everyone should be like me (the word escapes me at the moment), but that is not at all the case. Sure there are some annoying people, but I actually enjoy working with most of them! Well, whatever...

Anyhow, I should get back to homework... :/ Hope you all are doing well and keep me updated as to what is going on in your lives! Love you all! Take care...

A New Beginning

Well, this is going to be the new location of my blog... obviously... I hope that each of you will still follow. You are all wonderful people, and I am not just saying that. If you would like to tell me that you now know of this new location, that would be wonderful. I shouldn't be changing anymore from now on...

It is now time for bed... I hope and pray that all is well with each of you and hope to hear from you soon!